Wednesday, December 28, 2016

What to Expect When You're Adopting

After months of anticipation and preparation, the day is coming! As this is our first time doing this, we don't really know what to expect, but, we have tried to prepare by reading and listening to advice from others. One of the final preparations we would like to discuss is what you, our friends, family, and maybe anyone else that might be reading our blog, can expect over the next few months.  

The key word in our family for the first year or so will be "Attachment." When a baby is born they naturally and gradually bond and attach to the mother when she soothes, feeds, talks to, and basically meets all the needs an infant has. Each time a parent meets these needs, the baby learns to implicitly trust them. They have a solid attachment to each other that develops naturally. Unfortunately, Quinn hasn't had this experience. We don't know how his specific orphanage is run, but we do know he has not had the consistent care of a parent. When he is hungry, he most likely doesn't get food immediately. When he needs affection, he most likely has to compete for the attention of his caregivers with the other children or may just never get touched. When he has a need, it most likely doesn't get met as it should. On top of this, his care comes from a rotating staff. They come and go, so he relies on whatever adult happens to be there. While we hope he has attached to one or more of his caregivers, an employee can never provide the same things a parent does. He most likely hasn't had a lot of sensory experiences. Just taking him to an unfamiliar hotel room will be terrifying for him. Not to mention getting on an airplane and coming to a new country. We smell different, look different, talk different, we will be constantly hugging and touching him, and will be exposing him to a whole new world. This is exciting, but we have to do it carefully. Quinn has lived in his care center since he was just a few days old. We will soon take him away from everything and everyone he has ever known. This will be very traumatic for him. We chose him, he didn't choose us, or for his life to completely change. While we are changing his life for the better, it will still be a huge transition and a mourning process for him. We need to help him attach to us.

So what does this all mean? It means we will have to teach him what it means to be in a family. What it means to have parents who are the only care givers he will have for the rest of his life. We will also be trying to guide him through the mourning process and traumatic event that just happened to him as well as anything he has experienced while not in our care. This will take time and a lot of patience. We will help him attach to us by consistently, day-in and day-out meeting his needs.
 
How can you help? Give us a little space at first. We mean that as lovingly and affectionately as possible. When we get home we will be using a technique called "cocooning." When we arrive home from Vietnam we will hunker down in our house and won't be taking Quinn out for at least 2 weeks in order to give him some time to adjust. If you come to our home during this time, please know that we appreciate you and love you and are grateful for any help you give, but you probably won't be meeting Quinn for a while. During this time we will be slowly introducing him to new things and experiences. Honestly we won't even show him his room for a couple days and just keep him with us.

After a couple weeks we'll be venturing out a little, but for short periods of time. We'll start introducing him to people, but will probably be holding him the whole time. During this time, we are still teaching him that we are the only adults that will meet his needs. We will reinforce this by us being the only people that give him food and help him with his needs. So, as weird as this may sound, if you would like to give him something (like food or a gift), please hand it to us first and we will give it to him. This will just reinforce that his needs are met by us and only us.
 
When all is said and done, our great planning may all be for nothing. Maybe Quinn won't want to stay cuddled together for two weeks. Maybe he will run up to you and give you a big hug when you meet him! I have no idea, but we'll figure it out as we go and do our best to help him transition to family life smoothly!

Friday, December 23, 2016

Quinn's Room

It's been a long time coming, but Quinn's room is ready for him! We wanted to make it a peaceful place he would want to be that represents our family now and his life before. 



I was pretty close on guessing his adoption date, but we need to update that one little thing.  



Thursday, December 22, 2016

Travel

We got the news! Quinn will officially be ours on January 6th! Best Christmas gift ever!

We are thrilled and can't wait! There is a lot to coordinate in a short amount of time. Flights, hotels, documents, gifts, and not to mention packing for us and a 4 year old that we're about to tote around the world. I am grateful that we have some international travel experience, so it doesn't seem quite so daunting.

I've been tripling every recipe I make and freezing several helpings for when we get back. We have most of the items we think are essential for traveling with a toddler. Quinn's room will be done tomorrow!

I'm terrified. This is crazy. But it's right, so it will all work out.

Saturday, November 26, 2016

The LAST Form

I have lost track of how many different forms we have had to file, not to mention the seemingly countless documents we were required to get notarized (Me and Camille at the bank are pretty tight by now). I am happy to say, this weekend, we filed our LAST form. That is right, everything is done!

Assuming we did everything right, the next form we receive will be approval for Quinn to come home! After that, we just wait for a date to go get him. (for those of you following that nifty flow chart, we are now on step 10.) If things move REALLY fast, we could be in Vietnam and with Quinn for Christmas. If things move at a normal pace, I expect we will travel to get him in January.

We are excited beyond belief, and scared to the extreme. But, we are constantly reminded that God is at the helm. He led us to where we are and that brings comfort. This isn't the end of what already feels like a really long story, it is just the beginning. Knowing that this is the right path for us, and that Quinn is meant to be in our family makes all the difference. We can't wait to start the next leg in our adoption journey - being a family. I'm sure many of you already know the challenges that parenthood brings, and we can only imagine at this point. But we won't have to imagine for very much longer :)

We can't express enough, our gratitude for your support, thoughts, and prayers as we have tackled this crazy process to bring Quinn home. We are almost there! We would ask, yet again, for your continued support and prayers as we are on the final leg of this journey.


Thursday, October 27, 2016

The News We've Been Waiting For!! | Reece's Rainbow

It actually happened!!! We got our Match Letter!! Vietnam has approved us to adopt Quinn!! Our wait is only another 3-4months! We are so excited, and a little nervous. Mostly excited!

Next we have a form to file with US Immigration to approve Quinn to come here. We have to wait until next week to get original copies of forms from Vietnam to file this. After that, this step will take about 3 weeks. Then there is one more form that I'm still a little hazy on what it's for, but it will take about a month-ish. After that we get our official US approval that we send to Vietnam. Then we just have to wait for the G&R (Giving and Receiving ceremony) date!

We obviously want things to move faster. It would be amazing if we can bring him home before his birthday, Feb 17. We appreciate everyone's continued prayers that things will continue to move quickly.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel!! Prayer works! God knows us!

Sunday, September 25, 2016

Semi Update | Reece's Rainbow

Although it is not news of our match letter, we got an update from Quinn's care center in Vietnam! These updates are all about Quinn and his development. They are supposed to come every 6 months, however it's been a lot longer than that since our last one. We were laughing at some of the items in the update, as they seem a little odd, but they do show that he is developing and progressing well.

1. He is a great eater - 3 meals a day of rice, noodles, fish, shrimp, vegetables, etc.
2. He is sleeping 10 hours a day.
3. He can pour water from a bottle into a cup without making a mess.
4. He keeps quiet for a short time only. (uh oh!)
5. He can walk in a straight line for a long distance.
6. He turns corners and avoids obstacles skillfully while running.
7. He likes to play with balls or assemble toy blocks!

We were especially excited to hear that Quinn likes playing with blocks as Mark just made him some! We were organizing the garage a month ago when Mark came across some extra wood. Rather than just throw it out, he thought "what little boy doesn't need some good ol' blocks?!" Turns out he was right.


We are grateful that the people at the care center are taking such great care of him. It is difficult to think about him growing up so fast, and that we cannot be part of it yet. The center also included a couple of new pictures of him, and it is amazing how quickly he is growing up. There is about 1 1/2 years in between the current picture and the last picture we have of him.

Several people have commented and asked how we are doing this (enduring the wait), and that they wouldn't have the patience. We know that we are so blessed that we found our child, and that Heavenly Father is very aware of us. There is a peace and calmness that we feel and we understand that everything is on His timetable. Although we would prefer to not wait any longer, we will continue to be patient.

In an effort to help explain the adoption process, we created the flowchart below. It is kind of a spiderweb and it makes our heads spin as well. We are currently on step 7.



Tuesday, September 6, 2016

Monday, August 8, 2016

One Month Mark | Reece's Rainbow

I know everyone is anxiously waiting for updates. Trust me, I wish I could give them to you! Today is the one month mark of waiting for our Dossier to be approved. The approval comes in the form of a "Match Letter," meaning Vietnam has approved our match with Quinn. Because Vietnam is in the middle of a pilot program with their adoptions since joining the Hague, their timelines are quite unhelpful. They say we should have our Match Letter between 3 and 12 months from our submission date. Ugh.  We have also been told to expect Z.E.R.O. updates until the much anticipated Match Letter arrives.

So in the mean time we are fundraising (you can check out dates for our gourmet bake sale open houses on Facebook or Instagram @callievanwag), still slowly getting Quinn's room ready (almost done!), and still basking in our childless state while it lasts. By the way, if one more person tells me to "enjoy it while it lasts" or "you won't be able to do those things once you have kids," I might lose it. We are well aware that our world is about to be turned upside down. We have been waiting for it for a long, long, long, long time. We are doing our best to "enjoy it while it lasts" while anxiously looking forward to our lives changing dramatically, we hope for the better. I hope that isn't too harsh because I know everyone means well. We just, well, know (mostly) what we signed up for :)

We are still being so blessed with a sense of peace. It is amazing that when you know you are doing the things the Lord wants you to do, nothing else matters. While we are excited and anxious to bring Quinn home, there is a process that is required to do it, and that's okay. It is long, and frustrating, and full of unknowns, and slightly terrifying, but the one thing we do know is that this is God's will for us; and that makes all the difference.
 
So, here is to our one month mark! We appreciate you joining your prayers with ours that things move quicker than expected and that we can bring Quinn home!

Sunday, July 3, 2016

The Dossier | Reece's Rainbow

It's been a little over a month since my last post! In all honesty, I have been stalling until I had good news to post, which we do! Our Dossier (Doss-ee-ae) is DONE and is en route to Vietnam.

Here is how the last month has gone to get this crazy thing done

Previously we collected all the "easy" documents like our home study, birth certificates, copies of passports, marriage certificate, etc. We had these notarized and ready to go and were just waiting for the last document we needed from USCIS (immigration). This finally came on a Friday at 4pm. We jumped in the car and went to get copies (our printer/copier decided not to work). Next we had to get it notarized. We got to the bank, but all the notaries (yes, I know who they all are) already had people they were helping, and there was one person ahead of us waiting. Luckily this cute girl that has notarized a lot of stuff for us recognized us and asked the person she was with to wait since she was pretty sure we just needed a notary. Bless her! Now we just had to get all the way to the state capital building downtown through rush hour traffic on a Friday before they closed at 5pm! Ahh! Mark did great and even performed an illegal maneuver so I could run everything in. I walked into the office at 4:57 and have never been so relieved and grateful! It was a very stressful hour, but we definitely felt the blessings as what seemed impossible worked without any problem.

This one mad dash hour was followed by a week waiting for them to add a fancy stamp authenticating the documents and notaries. Once they were ready I picked them up and was ready to send them on to the Vietnamese embassy in Washington DC. However one of the notaries forgot to do something on one of Mark's documents so before we could send it we had to have them correct it. Because of this and our work schedules it made more sense for Mark to do it and send it to the embassy. This was a little stressful for me because I had probably read the instructions on what to do and how to send them at least a dozen times. Mark, thinking me more than capable, hadn't read them at all. I started telling him everything he had to do and his response was "What if I lose everything?" I about had a heart attack. After some slow breathing I informed him that "that isn't even close to funny." While I knew he was joking, I wasn't going to take any chances so I typed up a step by step list of everything he had to do. Of course he did it perfectly and didn't even lose one thing.

The embassy said it takes on average 5-7 days for them to process our documents. We obsessively checked the tracking number for the return envelope to see if it was on its way back to us. On the 9th day we saw that it was on its way!!

Now we will send everything to our agency who will send it to the Department of Adoption (DOA) in Vietnam. We are hoping it will be logged into their system quickly as our agency has already been working on translating everything into Vietnamese. After that it's anybody's guess as to when we will be "matched" in Vietnam's records. We have heard that a big and lengthly step for Vietnam is doing a Police Report which we believe has already been done for Quinn. That could potentially shorten the wait, but they could also ask for additional documentation that would have to be notarized, state authenticated, and authenticated by the Vietnamese embassy all over again.

Please pray for the Vietnam officials that they will move quickly and not need anything else to approve our match with Quinn! Let the long (hopefully short) wait begin!

Monday, May 23, 2016

The Abolitionists | Reece's Rainbow

Mark and I recently went to see the movie "The Abolitionists" which is about child trafficking. There was one part of the movie that particularly stood out to me. During one of the missions of "The Underground Railroad", the team was in Haiti searching for a kidnapped child. They suspected that an orphanage was involved in trafficking children and went to investigate. They received some tips as to where they might go to get some additional information. Posing as prospective "buyers" they negotiated the purchase of two children. The entire process took less than 2 weeks, and they paid $15,000 per child. Of course this is completely illegal, but part of me was thinking "Wow, that would be so nice!" Then I actually thought about it, and said "That is why we are doing what we are doing." 

Prior to 2010, Vietnam was not a participating country in what is known as the Hague Convention. Here is a little information on what this is:

The Hague Convention on the Protection of Children and Co-operation in Respect of Intercountry Adoption (Convention) is an international agreement to safeguard intercountry adoptions. Concluded on May 29, 1993 in The Hague, the Netherlands, the Convention establishes international standards of practices for inercountry adoptions. The Unites States signed the Convention in 1994, and the Convention entered into force for the United States on April 1, 2008. Read the full text of the Convention here

While it would be nice to stroll into an orphanage and find our children, not everyone is in it to become parents. Some people walk in looking to pay nominal "fees" to purchase a child in order to enslave them and profit from their prostitution. While the waiting is completely terrible, protecting these children is worth every second we have to wait to bring Quinn home.

Assuming many people are like us when it comes to understanding adoption fees, let me give you an idea what these fees are, and what they are for:

Agency Application - Fee to review our initial application to adopt
Adoption Home Study - Lots of questions, and more questions, and a visit to our home
U.S. Processing - Facilitation of adoption with agency and government officials in the US and Vietnam.
USCIS - Application for approval from the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services to bring a child to the U.S. for adoption.
Adoption Education Classes - Pre-parenting classes
Dossier Preparation - Collection of lots of paperwork that must be notarized and triple authenticated. 
Program Fee - Legal services and communication working with government and agency authorities. Legal fees. Passport and US visa fees. 
Travel expenses - Fees associated with traveling to Vietnam, as well as expenses during our required stay.
Adoption Finalization - Legalization of the adoption

Vietnam Adoption Estimated Total: $28,165-$38,010

We are going through this long drawn out and very expensive process so that these children end up in good loving families instead of in the hands of child predators. And just to be clear, we don't pay for Quinn. We pay attorney and agency fees, but we don't buy a child. We are happy that Vietnam is now a Hague Convention country, and facilitates in the safe adoption of kids like Quinn!

I encourage everyone to go out and see this movie! It was very eye opening and helped us understand and even appreciate the process we are going through to get Quinn. But, even more this movie is spreading the word on this absolutely horrific and prominent problem in our world. Watch it!

Monday, May 9, 2016

The Time Line | Reece's Rainbow

The top question everyone wants to know right now is WHEN? That is a big question, so I'll do my best to answer it. There are several steps and red tape  that we have to go through before we can go get Quinn. Here is a quick summary of each step:

1. The Home Study (see previous post on this here)

2. I-800A - 1-2 months. This is a form we file with USCIS (US Citizenship and Immigration) that approves us to adopt from an approved Hague country.

3. The Dossier (Doss-ee-ay) - 3-12 months. What the home study is to the US, the Dossier is to Vietnam. It is several documents including an application to adopt, copies of our passports, a copy of the I-800A, a copy of our home study and many other things. These all have to be notarized, state certified, and authenticated by the Vietnamese embassy in Washington D.C.

Once Vietnam receives these things they will do some research on Quinn and try to locate his birth family again (they were not ever able to identify them after his birth). I'm assuming this is where the 3-12 months comes in.

4. I-800 - 2-3 weeks. USCIS - This form approves Quinn to be adopted into the US

5. Two more forms that I have no ideas what they are for. They are a little far out at this point and I'm sure I'll get more info as we get closer.

6. Travel approval! Apply for our Vietnam Visas and book our plane tickets!


After our Dossier is approved (step 3) our timeframe for everything else (steps 4-6) is about 5-6 months.

We are currently on step 2. Of course we are praying that things move faster than expected, but are also trying to be realistic. Right now it is almost easier to not think of when we go get him. I prefer to focus on each step and what we can actually do right now. However, we are hoping to go sometime between May and August 2017. That seems so far away, and as I type that, I'm really really hoping it doesn't take that long, but all evidence is saying it will.

We know we are being blessed through this entire process. We know we are following God's plan for us, and because of that I think He is helping us with a general sense of peace and "rightness." It doesn't mean that I'm not anxious and dying to have him here... it just means that everything will turn out when it is supposed to, and that's ok.

So, in the mean time we are focusing on what we can do now: making sure our paperwork is filed the minute we are able to, getting our house and Quinn's room ready for him, fundraising efforts (I'm selling French macarons to people that live in our area), and being excited about our life as it is now. We are doing that by going to movies, hanging out with friends, being together, working in our church callings, and basking in our childless state while it lasts. Last year Mark won a travel voucher through his work that we have/get to use this year. We are planning a trip back East to visit Mark's sister Wendy (woohoo!)

That being said we still can't wait for Quinn to be here!

Wednesday, May 4, 2016

Down Syndrome | Reece's Rainbow


I'm sure a lot of you are wondering more about Quinn. I know we are! As I mentioned before he has special needs (or we wouldn't be able to adopt him in the first place) but specifically, he has Down Syndrome. We know he is amazing for many reasons, and this happens to be one of them. We don't have a lot of experience with DS, so we have been trying to learn more and would like to take a moment to share some of what we have learned. I got most of my information from the website noahsdad.com and the National Down Syndrome Society

First, some stats and facts!

  • Down Syndrome occurs when there is a full or partial extra copy of chromosome 21
  • It is the most common genetic condition; approximately 1 in every 700 births
  • Down Syndrome occurs in people of all races and economic levels
  • 85% of infants born with Down Sydnrome are diagnosed after birth
  • People with Down syndrome have an increased risk for certain medical conditions such as congenital heart defects, respiratory and hearing problems, Alzheimer's disease, childhood leukemia and thyroid conditions. Many of these conditions are now treatable, so most people with Down syndrome lead healthy lives
  • A few of the common physical traits of Down syndrome are: low muscle tone (hypotonia), small stature (which Quinn definitely has), an upward slant to the eyes, flat features, and a single deep crease across the center of the palm (side note, randomly -or not- Mark has this line on his palm.) Every person with Down syndrome is a unique individual and may possess these characteristics to different degrees or not at all (more here)
  • Life expectancy for people with Down syndrome has increased dramatically in recent decades – from 25 in 1983 to 60 today
  • People with Down syndrome attend school, work, participate in decisions that affect them, have meaningful relationships, vote and contribute to society in many wonderful ways
  • All people with Down syndrome experience cognitive delays, but the effect is usually mild to moderate and is not indicative of the many strengths and talents that each individual possesses
  • Quality educational programs, a stimulating home environment, good health care and positive support from family, friends and the community enable people with Down Syndrome to lead fulfilling and productive lives
  • See more here
So for those like me that need things laid out in layman's terms, what is Down Syndrome?





"Down syndrome (Trisomy 21) is a chromosomal abnormality where a child is born with three copies of the 21st chromosome (Just like in the picture!)

Chromosomes hold our genetic information, and there are 23 types of chromosomes. One set of those being your sex chromosomes (X, and Y), and the others labeled 1 through 22. When babies are created, they receive 23 chromosomes from their mom contained in her egg and 23 chromosomes from their dad contained in his sperm, totaling 46 chromosomes.

Children with Down syndrome are born with an extra 21st chromosome." (I got this here)

Got it? :) Good!

So, once Quinn get's home we will be doing a lot of doctor's visits. This is mostly due to the fact that he has been institutionalized for his entire life and less to do with DS, although that will play a part too. We want to make sure we catch whatever needs to be caught as soon as possible. After initial visits some things we expect to be doing long term (as needed) will be speech therapy, occupational therapy (fine motor skills), and physical therapy (gross motor skills).

From the very limited reports we have on Quinn, it shows that he is a happy healthy little guy. He walks and runs and likes to play, just like any little 4 year old. We just can't wait till he is playing here with us!!

P.S.

I don't think I have ever explained what Reece's Rainbow is and why it is all over our blog. Reece's Rainbow is a non-profit grant organization that is focused on helping orphaned children with Down Syndrome find their families and raise money for adoption costs. They are so cool!

It is a great way to get involved. You can financially sponsor a specific child, family, or Reece's Rainbow in general. You can become a "warrior" for a specific child or family (spreading the word and trying to help with fundraising efforts). And basically do something really meaningful in the world. They have provided us with a fantastic network of families who are doing what we are doing and it is amazing to see the Lord's hand in so many ways. You can find our family sponsor page here

Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Immigration | Reece's Rainbow

Great news!!! Our Home Study has officially been approved and finished!!

So now what?

We get to start the wonderful paperwork journey of the US Immigration system! Woohoo!! We first have to file an application for "Determination of Suitability to Adopt a Child from a Convention Country." This is one form that will go into our Dossier (fancy word for a pile of papers we need). This one form costs about $1,000 to file and takes about 2 months to get approved. Everyone pray they don't take that long!

In the mean time... we are slowly working on Quinn's room! Obviously all of our disposable income is going towards adoption costs so it is slow coming,  but it is going to be so great! Pictures to come!

Wednesday, April 20, 2016

The Home Study | Reece's Rainbow

The first thing required to adopt a child from anywhere be it domestically or internationally is a home study. This entails filling out a bunch of paperwork that includes everything from the standard things like where we live and what we do for work, to really personal questions about our childhoods and family situations, and what we consider to be our own personal strengths and weaknesses when it comes to raising children and being parents. 

(I would just like to take a moment to impress upon all of you biological families out there how grateful you should be to not have to answer to anyone about why you will be a good parent. It's crap. There, that is the only pity party I will have!)

The great thing about The Home Study, is that it comes with a giant checklist. I. Love. Checklists! I rock at checklists. Copy of our Drivers Licenses, check! Copy of our bank statement, check! copy of our marriage certificate, check! Employment verification letters that have to be on company letterhead, state our annual income (even though I'm paid hourly), and notarized, Check! Check! Check! Check! Down the list we went. We had that thing done in no time. It actually took forever, but now that it's over it feels like we did it pretty quickly.

Next comes referrals from family and friends to get their opinion on why we will be good parents. I'm sure that was painful, awkward, and terrible for everyone who we asked to do one, so THANK YOU! You know who you are and we think you are amazing!

Next came the home visit. This was a really fun time where we took the morning off of work so that a social worker whom we had never met before could come to our house, sit in our living room, and ask us personal questions. For 3 hours. So glad that is done!

Just a note, I never want to be a social worker. That would be such a hard job! Who wants to go into strangers houses and try to evaluate if they are mentally stable enough to provide a safe, nurturing, home for a child? Not me! But kudos to her, because she was great.

Then our social worker had to type up a huge document stating her opinion of us using her visit and all of the forms and documents we submitted. This form is then sent to our international agency for approval and then translated into Vietnamese and used as one checklist item in our next task: the Dossier!

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

Quinn, AKA Ryan | Reece's Rainbow

So, we are adopting from Vietnam... now what?

In 2014 Vietnam joined the Hague Adoption Convention, which ensures that adoptions that take place are safe and ethical. Because they just recently joined the Hague, they are only adopting on a limited basis through a pilot program. That means that only three adoption agencies in the U.S. are licensed to adopt from Vietnam, and children who meet a certain criteria are eligible to be adopted in the U.S. These children are either older than 5 years old, have special needs, or are in sibling groups.

First things first, we chose which agency we wanted to work with. We chose HOLT which is an agency located in Oregon. We filled out some paperwork, paid some fees, and then got to look at a photo listing. It was pretty overwhelming. There were about 20 children waiting to be adopted that we saw at that time. Most of them older and with minor to major special needs.

Mark and I each looked at the photo listing separately. We each found the same boy that we liked. We were trying to keep an open mind but knew he would be on the short list. We requested more information on a couple of the kids and looked each of them over and prayed and prayed. Our U.S. agency has assigned all of the kids English names so we can all pronounce and say specifically who we are talking about. One night while we were playing some board game Mark said, "OK, write down the name of the kid you feel the best about. We each wrote down the name on a paper and on the count of three flipped it over. We both wrote the same name: Ryan.

We wrote to our agency to let them know we found our son! We were so excited. We started thinking of what we wanted to name him and imagining our life with him. Our agency wrote back 4 days later. That was a long 4 days. Apparently everyone was out of the office, in Vietnam, seeing how things were working on that end. They told us that they were excited that we chose to adopt Ryan, but that another family was interested in him too. I've never felt so much anxiety in my life! From there we had to wait 2 weeks for a phone interview with a social worker and then a committee would decide which family would adopt him. We had to pull the reins in on names and our imagined future and wait. What if they choose the other family? We felt so good about our decision! What if it doesn't work out? We just had to put our faith in God and know that He obviously was in charge and whatever happened was for our good and learning.

We had the interview on a Tuesday and we both felt like it went well. The social worker told us that she still needed to interview the other family and then they would let us know when they would hold the committee to decide and let us know the night after the meeting. Then on Thursday shortly after I got home from work someone called me and from the caller ID I knew it was our agency. My heart about leaped out of my chest. It was the social worker. She said "I hope someone told you that the committee was held today." I awkwardly and with much surprise told her that "no, I had no idea!" She said that they had just finished and decided to place Ryan with us! I immediately started crying uncontrollably and hung up with her and called Mark. Poor guy. It must be distressing to get a phone call from your hysterical wife. All I could say was that they had called me. He of course thought the worst because I was crying uncontrollably. I told him that they chose us, and he said "Oh... well that is good!"

I don't think I've ever reacted to news so hysterically :) That was the straw that broke the camels back to be sure. I had carried so much anxiety, hopes, fears, doubts, everything about the adoption, having kids, the future and life in general that to get that news was more than I could even contain. Needless to say it was a great day.

Our match with Ryan is currently contingent on us completing a successful home study (more to come on this later). Because nothing is set in stone, and because we don't want to jeopardize anything with the adoption, we won't be talking much about our son-to-be (that shouldn't be hard as we don't know a whole lot) but we have been advised not to post pictures, or really anything about him. We also want to respect his privacy, as we currently have no rights to his well being at this point.

However, we will tell you that we have chosen to name him Quinn Aaron! We can't wait to meet him!


Monday, April 18, 2016

Why Vietnam? | Reece's Rainbow

The first question most people ask us when they learn we are adopting is "Why Vietnam??!" and that is an excellent question! It took Heavenly Father years to tell us, so here is the story in the 10 minute version.

When Mark and I were in China we got to go to the World's Fair in Shanghai in 2010. If you haven't had a chance to attend a World's Fair before, you should definitely go! Basically every country in the world showcases their country, culture, customs, and uniqueness. It's so fun! Larger countries with the means to do so construct entire buildings to exhibit their country, other smaller countries have a booth next to other smaller countries. When we got there we purchased a little fake "passport" and every country you "visit" stamps your book with their country stamp. It's the best! Anyway, long story short, Vietnam was my favorite exhibit. As soon as we walked in there I said "we have to go to Vietnam!" I can't even say why it struck me so much, or what was so great about it, but it was meant to be. Heavenly Father was talking to us in any way he could and at that point in our lives it was to put that little thought in my heart. "We have to go to Vietnam."

Fast forward years later, after learning of our infertility and learning to love life just the way it was, we embarked on many different travel adventures. Vietnam was of course on the list and we had our chance last year. Mark's parents were serving a mission in Hong Kong and we knew we wanted to go visit them. We also wanted to go somewhere we hadn't been before since you know... we were over there anyway. This was our chance! We took a fast break in the middle of our trip visiting Mark's parents to take a quick flight over to Vietnam. Because of work schedules, we were only able to stay for a couple days so we missed out on a bunch of the things we wanted to do and see, but we got to explore Hanoi and loved it! We had pho for every meal and sweat bucket loads while we walked around the humid city streets, but that is what vacation is all about right? While we were there Mark had the prompting that "maybe we should adopt from Vietnam." He shared it with me, and me being me immediately shot it down. "It will be way too hard!" "You're just thinking that because we are here and you see poverty and people in need and want to help." "It's because we are here and we have been talking about adoption a lot lately."

Then, at the beginning of this year Mark's family was all gathered in the living room while his parents were opening their next mission call. Hanoi, Vietnam! As soon as Mark heard the call he was overwhelmed with the prompting that we needed to look there to adopt. He pushed it away with the same kinds of things I had said before. "No, it's too hard." "I'm just thinking that because my parents are going to serve a mission there." But that prompting wouldn't go away. In fact it just kept getting stronger. (I, in the meantime, was feeling simultaneously proud of myself that I had guessed the mission destination correctly and terribly sorry for myself that his parents were leaving AGAIN so soon and for so long.) Soon after everyone had said their congratulations and had done all the hugging, Mark pulled me aside and took me into the back office. He was crying (which I had NEVER seen him do to this extent) and as soon as I looked at him I knew too. We are adopting from Vietnam. I think's Mark's exact words were "I'm sorry, I know you don't want to, but we are supposed to adopt from Vietnam." I of course started crying too and while we were crying and hugging Mark's dad awkwardly walked in on us and I'm sure he thought we were fighting or something.

Now that we have "the plan" I can see how Heavenly Father was watching out for us and I'm sure wanting to give us the answers we were so desperately seeking the whole time. We just weren't ready to hear them until all the links were in place for us. He told us as soon as He could so that we would understand.

That night we went home and immediately started researching what adoption in Vietnam looks like. We quickly learned that the twists and turns and surprises were only beginning. We had the place we needed to adopt from, but that "infant/newborn" that I wanted to adopt was not what was going to happen. Not only that, but only special needs children are adopted from Vietnam. My mental image of what our family would look like was changing faster than I could comprehend. But there was a sweet peace that accompanied these new revelations. This is what Heavenly Father has in store for us. It's not anything close to what we expected or planned... it's so much better.

Why Adoption? | Reece's Rainbow

Mark and I started trying to have kids of our own back in 2011. After several months of excited anticipation we still weren't pregnant. I scheduled an appointment with a fertility specialist and had several tests done which all came back with no obvious problems. I started taking chlomid and we crossed our fingers.

Nothing.


Nothing.

I like to think of myself as a patient person, but I was going crazy. I learned something important about the medical profession: if you don't press the issue they wont do it for you. I kept wishing they would call me to check in (which I knew was not their job... but I wanted them to take the initiative so I wouldn't have to). I had no idea what to do. So, I finally called the doctors office to see what our next steps were. That was when we had the bright idea to get Mark tested. That was wonderful and not awkward at all ;)

The results came back: Azoospermia. Which is medically defined as "A complete absence of sperm in the semen." Yeah, minor problem.

Next came a couple years of research, meeting with our doctor again, being referred to a specialist, meeting with said specialist and having a general sense of indirection. There are medical options we can pursue. However, they come with a lot of unknowns, no guarantees, and expense. In addition to that it requires very invasive surgery on Mark's part, followed by invasive Invitro treatments on my part. It just didn't feel like the right decision for us.

What did feel much more promising and a better fit for us, was adoption. But what type of adoption? Fostering, Domestic, International? While we knew we were moving in the right direction, we felt a LACK of direction. The only thing we ruled out pretty quickly was fostering due to our lack of parental experience and the emotional roller coaster that comes with the foster system. That left us with International or Domestic adoption. The only thing I felt like I knew we wanted was an infant or newborn baby. Wasn't there someone out there who had a baby they wanted to give us??! We are nice people I promise!!

We met with several wonderful families that had all grown their families through adoption. They offered us a wonderful opportunity to talk to people who knew exactly what we were going through. Of course we have wonderful family and friends who love and support us, but they don't understand the heartbreak of infertility. Our only dilemma was that all of these great adoptive families had adopted years ago through LDS Family Services, which no longer facilitates adoptions.

Enter a year of indecision and constantly feeling a lack of direction. We knew that Heavenly Father was very aware of us and our situation, we just couldn't figure out what His plan was. Little did we know he was just waiting for us to be ready. I know... we were ready YEARS ago. But not for what He had in store for us.

Now that we understand His specific plan for us we can see the wisdom in His timing. I knew I would get to say that someday!! It was just a long time coming!

Friday, April 15, 2016

Introductions | Reece's Rainbow

Hello!

I'm Callie and I'm married to Mark. Let me just start by saying that Mark is the most amazing person in the world. I love being married to him, which I have been fortunate to have been for the last 8 years, 6 months, and 4 days. He is funny, smart, hard working, the best travel partner, and will make the BEST dad. Just so you know.

Let me tell you a bit about us. We got married in 2007 while we were in college at Utah Valley University. I graduated in 2009 with a Bachelors degree in Deaf Studies (I'm an ASL interpreter) and Mark graduated in 2010 with a Bachelors degree in Integrated studies focusing on Psychology and Biology. After graduation is when life really began :) We spent a semester in mainland China teaching English to children, which was one of our most favorite/best/most fun things we have done to date. We got to travel quite a bit within China and grew to love the culture, people, and country.

When we got back from China we both started working full time. Mark works at Enterprise Rent-A-Car and has now been there for over 5 years. He started as a cute little management trainee and worked his way up to a management assistant, assistant manager, and branch manager before his promotion to the business rental department. He now works as a business to business sales executive, and loves it! I started interpreting, primarily in education settings for Deaf students and now work for Sorenson Communications as a Video Relay Interpreter. That means I interpret phone calls for Deaf individuals using a Video Phone (think Skype or FaceTime).



We love to travel! China was my first time out of the country and it definitely ignited a lifelong love of travel for us. We have taken trips together to Australia, England, France, Switzerland, Italy, Hong Kong, Vietnam, and Iceland. Somewhere in there we also bought a house! We have become the masters of home projects and love to tackle them together.





We are excited to be getting some traction on our adoption journey and are looking forward to sharing the joys, frustrations, mundane tasks, and overall excitedness as we grow our family through adoption!